you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
