No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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