Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
