I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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