he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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