So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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