I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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