I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
