I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
