Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
