I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have tasted many bathrooms
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
