I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
