I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My cat gives me a boner
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Randomize
