I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize