Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
