listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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