Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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