i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
