it wasn't lemon gatorade
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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