i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
