i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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