i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
