I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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