Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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