we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
