I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
