I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
