i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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