I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
