i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize