another moral hangover. fuck.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
