On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
