Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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