Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I am available for nakedness
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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