So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
