You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I understand Curling. That high.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize