ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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