I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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