Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
