hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Welp...herpes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
