"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
