Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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