Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
