I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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