Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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