put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
