This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
