Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Its about making memories worth repressing
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
