what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
