are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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