I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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