From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
