I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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