he was CRYING into my vagina
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
