Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
