how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I want a musical about memes.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
