I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
