HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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