stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
