Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
