I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
