hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
