It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
