If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
