lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
