Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
