remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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