I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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