Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
