OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if only i could text you this smell
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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