ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
