I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
