Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
