We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
