did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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