Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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