he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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