just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
