What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize